A Game Plan-
Feb. 26th, 2026 08:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gillman It is uncharacteristic of me to struggle with my schoolwork, but I am this semester. It's one particular class that I find so nearly impossible to engage with, I hate it. My grade in there is not passing, and that's never really happened to me before. It's scary, especially as a senior who is about to graduate.
My greatest fear is that I will lose my TA and stipend if I fail, since I will be staying at the same university. Second to that is that I won't graduate on time, at which point I will retake the class over the summer either at this university or at a community college. I also fear that an extended graduation would mess up my TA, if the failing grade wont do it. Usually I wouldn't fear a failed class this much, but because this is my last semester, I worry about what it will impact.
I have been so tired, extremely tired. I fall asleep working on projects and can't comprehend things after a certain point. I've been able to manage it so far, I've kept As and Bs in all my classes, but this semester I loaded myself up way too heavy and it's fucking me over royally. I don't have the time to rest my body, and I'm paying the price. I've gone to urgent care to make sure I didn't have mono or anything (they tested me twice, just to be sure, because of how exhausted I am) and my parents are taking me to the county hospital soon to see if they can find anything. My friends think I'll need bloodwork done. That's all fine, I guess, I'm just very upset with how this has impacted my schoolwork and possible grad school prospects.
I'm going to talk with him soon. My own proposal is that I can make up all my lost work over spring break and then maintain a passing grade for the rest of the semester. A D will work just fine- I only want my credits at this point. I don't care about my GPA anymore. I'd like to offer to do extra work, but who knows if I'll be able to do that. I'll still try- I am trying to balance my health and my schoolwork here. I've never been the type to struggle like this, a few days ago my professors told me to go home and rest for a few days because I asked for an extension on a project! I've asked for an extension once before, and that was when my computer completely died and I had to write everything in the library. It's such a rarity for me. I'd like to imagine the prof for the class I'm struggling in will see and understand that this behavior is..... abnormal. I hate myself for it, and I know people are going to question my ability to manage grad school now. But they never would have questioned it before this semester. I just need a little grace right now, and I pray they'll be able to give me it.
I struggle with seasonal depression from February to March every year like clockwork. With the added on stress of grad school applications, my cortisol has been high since November. Usually I am able to keep my head above the water, but with this added fatigue (likely from all this stress), it it proving to be pretty damn hard. If I can get my grades up before mid-March, I will get out of this funk and end my final semester on a good note. God willing my plan with my professor goes through. And God willing I can make good on my promises to him.
Very sorry for the influx in vent and frustration posts. This has been a strange time for me and I am doing my best to get through it. My girlfriend has been such a massive help for me. Having someone who will cook and clean for me while I rest really changes a lot. It won't fix it, but it proves to be a much nicer environment to be miserable in.
My greatest fear is that I will lose my TA and stipend if I fail, since I will be staying at the same university. Second to that is that I won't graduate on time, at which point I will retake the class over the summer either at this university or at a community college. I also fear that an extended graduation would mess up my TA, if the failing grade wont do it. Usually I wouldn't fear a failed class this much, but because this is my last semester, I worry about what it will impact.
I have been so tired, extremely tired. I fall asleep working on projects and can't comprehend things after a certain point. I've been able to manage it so far, I've kept As and Bs in all my classes, but this semester I loaded myself up way too heavy and it's fucking me over royally. I don't have the time to rest my body, and I'm paying the price. I've gone to urgent care to make sure I didn't have mono or anything (they tested me twice, just to be sure, because of how exhausted I am) and my parents are taking me to the county hospital soon to see if they can find anything. My friends think I'll need bloodwork done. That's all fine, I guess, I'm just very upset with how this has impacted my schoolwork and possible grad school prospects.
I'm going to talk with him soon. My own proposal is that I can make up all my lost work over spring break and then maintain a passing grade for the rest of the semester. A D will work just fine- I only want my credits at this point. I don't care about my GPA anymore. I'd like to offer to do extra work, but who knows if I'll be able to do that. I'll still try- I am trying to balance my health and my schoolwork here. I've never been the type to struggle like this, a few days ago my professors told me to go home and rest for a few days because I asked for an extension on a project! I've asked for an extension once before, and that was when my computer completely died and I had to write everything in the library. It's such a rarity for me. I'd like to imagine the prof for the class I'm struggling in will see and understand that this behavior is..... abnormal. I hate myself for it, and I know people are going to question my ability to manage grad school now. But they never would have questioned it before this semester. I just need a little grace right now, and I pray they'll be able to give me it.
I struggle with seasonal depression from February to March every year like clockwork. With the added on stress of grad school applications, my cortisol has been high since November. Usually I am able to keep my head above the water, but with this added fatigue (likely from all this stress), it it proving to be pretty damn hard. If I can get my grades up before mid-March, I will get out of this funk and end my final semester on a good note. God willing my plan with my professor goes through. And God willing I can make good on my promises to him.
Very sorry for the influx in vent and frustration posts. This has been a strange time for me and I am doing my best to get through it. My girlfriend has been such a massive help for me. Having someone who will cook and clean for me while I rest really changes a lot. It won't fix it, but it proves to be a much nicer environment to be miserable in.
