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Early March Madness
Mar. 4th, 2026 10:41 am Yesterday was good, because I accepted my TA offer! And right as I sent the email, I got accepted into UFC. UFC isn't going to give me any money like my current school is, but it was nice to see the offer. I'm still waiting to hear back from Texas Tech and Clemson, although unless either of them are going to give me even more money, I will have little to no interest in them.
My friends and partner went to yoga that evening. My girlfriends little sister is the soon-to-be president of a large club on campus, and she organized a yoga night! One of my good friends is the current president, so we all went to go support them, even though most of us aren't in the club (it's major-specific). It was nice! I should probably go and do yoga more. I am not flexible, and while I am going to the gym, I am not over this weird fatigue funk and can't lift like I could before. Yoga will probably be better for me until I'm fully recovered.
As a celebration for all the grad school news, my partner took me out to dinner at a nice steakhouse. We got dressed up and everything. Now, it was their $20 steak, fries, and wine night, so we weren't technically spending big, but the food was awesome and was only $40 + tip for the two of us. We walked back home (a bit tipsy from their massive glasses of wine) and had a nice night. I made them watch The Secret of Nimh, but we didn't finish the movie because we were so sleepy.
They woke up at 5 this morning to go work, so my morning schedule got messed up. Usually, I will wake up at 7 and take them to their studio, and then I'm awake for the day and can continue as usual. Today, though, I stayed in bed until 8 and then took a bath until 9:30, which put me at a weird start. My routines are very broad and liable to change, but if I start out bad then I have a horrible time getting back on track.
I have a meeting in about an hour to fill out my I-9 for my TA. I hope that a scan of my documents and my memorized SSN will do just fine, I haven't actually filled out an I-9 before. If I do need the physical copy, then this will just have to wait because everything is in the safe back home, two hours away.
Still waiting to see if I pass or fail this class. Still nervous. It's eating me up inside. But I'm going to try. So hard. I don't want this to limit my whole immediate future, I'm going to try and keep that from happening.
I have been shifted constantly, recently. Very vibrant, very wonderful. I love being shifted, I love having my fins and gills. One thing that I hate (and have always hated) is my claws. Functionally, I'm not against it. But the physical sensation of normal fingernails is horrible, I do actively wish I could function normally without fingernails. I keep them as short as possible and never paint them, since painting them only makes me feel them more (I have no idea if that's actually a thing or just something I've tricked myself into feeling). My phantom claws have all the same issues as my material fingernails. When they come around, I get all the horrible sensations that I try so hard to avoid. It's probably some sort of psychological trick or something, because I pay so much attention to these feelings at a baseline, they only get worse.
Well, anyway, something within me said fuck that and now I'm letting them grow out. I also bought a pumice scrubber for my feet, which is also pretty unusual of me (I like to have rough feet so I can walk outside). It's almost compulsive. My nails are two days without clipping and they feel like hell, but I won't let myself trim them. Not sure why. Currently think it's probably something to do with my pencorpus, something to do with the suppressed feminine coming back up and thriving. I am pretty disconnected to it, still, but it's something that part of me clearly wants to happen so I am just... letting it. It probably won't last for long, without my butch around I will fall back into more masculine behavior. And we will move apart come May.
That's all for now. Spring break is coming, and I will get to go to the beach. I will have a lot of work to do, it won't be all fun and games, but I am looking forward to kayaking in the mornings and being back at the water. I miss it.
Godbwye.
My friends and partner went to yoga that evening. My girlfriends little sister is the soon-to-be president of a large club on campus, and she organized a yoga night! One of my good friends is the current president, so we all went to go support them, even though most of us aren't in the club (it's major-specific). It was nice! I should probably go and do yoga more. I am not flexible, and while I am going to the gym, I am not over this weird fatigue funk and can't lift like I could before. Yoga will probably be better for me until I'm fully recovered.
As a celebration for all the grad school news, my partner took me out to dinner at a nice steakhouse. We got dressed up and everything. Now, it was their $20 steak, fries, and wine night, so we weren't technically spending big, but the food was awesome and was only $40 + tip for the two of us. We walked back home (a bit tipsy from their massive glasses of wine) and had a nice night. I made them watch The Secret of Nimh, but we didn't finish the movie because we were so sleepy.
They woke up at 5 this morning to go work, so my morning schedule got messed up. Usually, I will wake up at 7 and take them to their studio, and then I'm awake for the day and can continue as usual. Today, though, I stayed in bed until 8 and then took a bath until 9:30, which put me at a weird start. My routines are very broad and liable to change, but if I start out bad then I have a horrible time getting back on track.
I have a meeting in about an hour to fill out my I-9 for my TA. I hope that a scan of my documents and my memorized SSN will do just fine, I haven't actually filled out an I-9 before. If I do need the physical copy, then this will just have to wait because everything is in the safe back home, two hours away.
Still waiting to see if I pass or fail this class. Still nervous. It's eating me up inside. But I'm going to try. So hard. I don't want this to limit my whole immediate future, I'm going to try and keep that from happening.
I have been shifted constantly, recently. Very vibrant, very wonderful. I love being shifted, I love having my fins and gills. One thing that I hate (and have always hated) is my claws. Functionally, I'm not against it. But the physical sensation of normal fingernails is horrible, I do actively wish I could function normally without fingernails. I keep them as short as possible and never paint them, since painting them only makes me feel them more (I have no idea if that's actually a thing or just something I've tricked myself into feeling). My phantom claws have all the same issues as my material fingernails. When they come around, I get all the horrible sensations that I try so hard to avoid. It's probably some sort of psychological trick or something, because I pay so much attention to these feelings at a baseline, they only get worse.
Well, anyway, something within me said fuck that and now I'm letting them grow out. I also bought a pumice scrubber for my feet, which is also pretty unusual of me (I like to have rough feet so I can walk outside). It's almost compulsive. My nails are two days without clipping and they feel like hell, but I won't let myself trim them. Not sure why. Currently think it's probably something to do with my pencorpus, something to do with the suppressed feminine coming back up and thriving. I am pretty disconnected to it, still, but it's something that part of me clearly wants to happen so I am just... letting it. It probably won't last for long, without my butch around I will fall back into more masculine behavior. And we will move apart come May.
That's all for now. Spring break is coming, and I will get to go to the beach. I will have a lot of work to do, it won't be all fun and games, but I am looking forward to kayaking in the mornings and being back at the water. I miss it.
Godbwye.
